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10/30/206 - 11:15am - doll turned demon

i am feeling nothing short of miserable right now. my hair is a fucking mess and im in a math class i could hardly give a shit about.

I keep thinking about the past, my past. i dont like it one bit. sometimes things can be too personal to even put on a blog. i have sad memories. i dont like thinking about it. my own head is keeping me trapped. i dont like it, i dont want this. why did it even have to be this way anyways? why did you make me into this awful creature that cant do anything without you. why did you torture me like that. it hurts, you dont hurt me anymore but you instilled pain in me to hurt myself.

are you happy? is this what you wanted. i am your doll turned into a demon. you hate me for this, i hate myself too. why did you do this to me.

10/30/2026 - 9:47am - college

im having a lot of conflicting feelings about college and all. one part of me feels like its one big money making scam, while the other feels like i need to do this for "honor" or whatever. im majoring in something im not even passionate in... hell i dont even like it! i feel so dumb, lost, and confused about it all. it feels like i shouldve had everything figured out by then, but i dont. everyone around me seems to know what theyre doing and i dont!!! i thought i wouldve had my shit together at this point. i only did this major because my parents wanted it out of me. i didnt want to do this, i wanted to be a lawyer, but they dont even care about what i want.

i feel stupid and confused. if i keep talking about it more i'll just burst into tears. everything i do just seems futile, like im stuck in some sort of limbo. i feel so sad.

10/29/2026 - 9:34pm - the coding experience

coding is super fun. ive been wanting to learn how to code since ive been a kid, but i always felt intimidated by it, so i never really tried. i remember i did learn the "hello world" code in c++, i never evolved more than that hahahahaha. now i coded my entire website/blog! it feels weirdly rewarding, for some reason, even though this entire website is insanely bland and boring. its okay though, i hope to add more things as i go along.

its getting late, im tired.

10/29/2026 - 7:27pm - untitled

hello, this is my first ever blog entry. i am still learning html coding and such. i only understand the basics (as you see hahaha). anyways, i hope you enjoy what i have in store!!!